Briar convictions

You might be forgiven for thinking things were a bit bleak. Credit crunching underfoot, coal-fired power stations springing up like mushrooms, and only the rotten spectacle of the Bejing Olympics to distract us. Fear not, Greengage is hear to unveil the closest thing we've got to a magic bullet - the humble blackberry.

For starters, the blackberry is the ultimate recession buster. Forget tiny overpriced punnets from Messrs Sainsbury et al, these tasty little devils can be found for free even on the mean streets of Bristol. What better way to get with 2008's frugal vibe than a spot of blackberry picking (or 'brambling' if you are posh).

Brambling

What's more, the blackberry loves climate change. It just can't get enough of our warm wet summers, fruiting earlier and more exuberantly every year.

Worried about the nation's health crisis? Look no further than our thorny friend. A mere hundred grams of blackberries contains 21% of your recommended fibre intake, and 35% of your Vitamin C. Hell, they mightl even make you cleverer, as they're practically bursting in Omega-3.

Blackberries are the ideal crop for the time-poor. Just sit back and let the imperialist of the fruit world take over your patch. When The Man (or your site rep) tries to throw you off your allotment, tell him it's slow gardening.

In short, these delicious morsels express the Zeitgeist in a way that the Pitt-Jolie twins can only dream of. You read it here first: blackberries are the only fruit.